i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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