We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
