My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
