she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
