I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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