I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
