I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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