im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
