Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
