eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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