my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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