You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was CRYING into my vagina
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
where are my eyebrows?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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