isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
