Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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