apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
