My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
