Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
