the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Two words: blizzard sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
