This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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