I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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