Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can I color on your dick again?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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