party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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