just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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