when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
