Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
