wanna go halves on a baby?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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