It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
