I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize