this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
