This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you inspire me to be a worse person
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
