Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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