mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
