Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
