I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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