dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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