she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want her autograph on my taint
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
