i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
