Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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