she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
