I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
