Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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