Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
