why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
