I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The best revenge is premature balding
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
