just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Randomize
