My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
