"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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