Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
