I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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