Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
