i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
