Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
