i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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