i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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