How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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