can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
