I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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