I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
