On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it penis luge time yet?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize