We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
