and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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