I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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