Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
