i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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