Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
