all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont even know how to be here
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
