bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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