I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
