Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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