i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
