if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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