maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
