I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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