margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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