Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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